Cloverley Talk 2 – Saturday Morning: Get In!

I was once on one of those old fashioned trains with slam doors that you have to slide the window down to open. It was rush hour & packed out with moody commuters. I was stuck right inside the door of a carriage holding onto the side. The guard came along and started slamming all the doors shut. The problem was I had my fingers by the inside hinge of the door & he slammed it right on my fingers. I swore. The carriage fell silent, then let out a collective ‘ooooh’. I don’t think I’ve ever been in as much pain as I was then, blood under my finger nail which eventually dropped off. Incidentally, it really stank too.

Anyway, even though the door was slammed on the very tips of my fingers, the pain shot right down my arm & down my leg so that my toes tingled. Bizarre but true. Which goes to prove that one of the key principles in the human body is the interdependence of each part on another. When one bit of the body feels good or bad, other parts of the body know about it.

Let’s read this Bible passage from 1 Corinthians 12: The Message

Your body has many parts – limbs, organs, cells – but no matter how many parts you can name, you’re still one body. It’s exactly the same with Christ. By means of his one Spirit, we all said goodbye to our partial and piecemeal lives. We used to independently call our own shots, but then we entered into a large and integrated life in which he has the final say in everything… Each of us is now a part of his resurrection body, refreshed and sustained at one fountain – his Spirit – where we all come to drink…

I want you to think about how all this makes you more significant, not less. A body isn’t just a single part blown up into something huge. It’s all different-but-similar parts arranged and functioning together. If Foot said, “I’m not elegant like Hand, embellished with rings; I guess I don’t belong to this body,” would that make it so? If Ear said, “I’m not beautiful like Eye, open and expressive; I don’t deserve a place on the head,” would you want to remove it from the body? If the body was all eye, how could it hear? If all ear, how could it smell? As it is, we see that God has carefully placed each part of the body right where he wanted it.

But I also want you to think about how this keeps your significance from getting blown up into self-importance. For no matter how significant you are, it is only because what you are a part of. An enormous eye or a gigantic hand wouldn’t be a body but a monster. What we have is one body with many parts, each its proper size and in its proper place. No part is important on its own. Can you imagine Eye telling Hand, “Get lost; I don’t need you”? Or Head telling Foot, “You’re fired; your job has been phased out”? As a matter of fact, in practice it works the other way – the ‘lower’ the part, the more basic, the more necessary. You can live without an eye, for instance, but not without a stomach. When it’s a part of your own body you’re concerned with, it makes no difference if the part is visible or clothed, higher or lower. You give it dignity and honour just as it is, without comparisons. If anything, you have more concern for the lower parts than the higher. If you had to choose, wouldn’t you prefer good digestion to full-bodied hair?

The way God designed our bodies is a model for understanding our lives together as a church: every part dependent on every other part, the parts we mention and the parts we don’t. If one part hurts, every other part is involved in the hurt, and in the healing. If one part flourishes, every other part enters into exuberance.

You are Christ’s body. You are the Body of Christ – that’s who you are! You must never forget this - only as you accept your part of that body does your ‘part’ mean anything.

The Bible uses the image of a body to represent Christian community. More than this, though, it says when we’re in community with other Christians, we’re the Body of Christ, because together we are to represent and demonstrate Jesus & his love to other people.

In the same way that each body part is affected by another, so we as members of the Body of Christ are affected by each other. This is especially true when we share in the kind of community that we’ve got here this weekend. If someone’s got bad BO we’re gonna smell it. If someone tells a funny joke or trips up like a donkey, we’re all gonna laugh.

Deeper than that though, if someone is in a real stinker of a mood, other people are gonna notice. If one of us is upset & runs out the room crying, other people are gonna be concerned & wonder how they can help. If someone is encouraged to use a talent of theirs in public, such as Joe playing drums for us, then we’re all gonna get the benefit.

We can’t get away from it – who we are as people, how we behave & what we say & do is going to affect everyone else. We’ll affect some people directly, like a particular conversation with one person, or indirectly, such as the person we’ve just had the conversation with going off & mentioning to someone else what we were talking about. It’s like a domino effect – when we’re part of a community, everything we do will have some knock on effect, however small, to someone else.

And this aspect of community, of co-dependence, has implications for us as a Christian group. Jesus example to us all through the gospels is of someone who accepted other people no matter who they were, what they looked like or what they did or didn’t do. As the Body of Christ, as the corporate community of Jesus here on earth in 2005, it’s important that we do our best to follow Jesus example. As a community of young people under God, we need to be accepting of our own important part within the community, but also the important role of other people too.

Now Buzz & Woody could be rivals, but with a little encouragement they accept that each of them is wanted & loved by Andy whose toys they are. And YF, us being here this weekend – it’s a lot like Buzz & Woody, it’s somewhere that’s a pretty welcoming place that accepts new people. I’d say it’s friendly & welcoming – I’ve experienced your warmth in the 4 months I’ve been coming along to YF & already it’s a top weekend here. And it’s great, you make efforts with new people to be open & inclusive.

But I’d like us to look at some ways in which we could be even more accepting than simply welcoming & being friendly to new people. Any community is gonna have a mixture of people, and we’re gonna like some better than others. Same with a body, I bet you’ll like your hands more than your feet, the hair on your head more than the hair up your nose. Some things about a body are cool; other aspects will frustrate or wind us up.

For example, I get frustrated when I catch a cold or get the flu, cos I feel rough, my breath stinks, my nose is bunged up. Now I can ignore my illness & soldier on, but that’s either gonna make me feel even worse or I’ll infect other people. The best thing I can do is accept I’m ill, rest, take the medicine & get better as soon as possible.

In the same way, if there’s someone who frustrates you within your own community, whether it’s here or at home or at school, the best thing to do isn’t just to soldier on & ignore it, cos it won’t go away. If we want to be part of a real community, and someone annoys us, there are a number of things we can do. As with most things, first thing to do is…

1.       We can talk to the source of frustration. Go for a chat with the person who annoys you. Say that sometimes you find the way they always cuss you or brag about something difficult. Apologise that you’re a bit off with them sometimes & talk about what you can do about it.

2.     Pray. There have been people at church since I’ve started working as Youth Co-ordinator who have wound me up with sarcy comments & gentle digs. I moan about it to Gemma but she’s a better person than me because she always says ‘Pray for them’. It’s very hard to be annoyed with someone at the same time as praying that God would bless them. As we pray for people that annoy us, so I think God often gives us insight into their situation.

Think of the person who annoys you most. It might be your brother, your Mum, an ex girlfriend, your teacher, someone here, me. Try praying for that person & ask God to help you understand why they might say the things they do or be the way they are.

For example, if someone is always putting you down, it’s probably because they’re insecure within themselves & think you’re cooler than they are. Pray for them. Compliment them. Tell them they look good. If someone is always being loud & saying dumb things, it’s probably because they’d like someone to spend time with them & talk properly with them. Pray for them. Be the answer to your prayer & talk with them. Try & accept who they are & work with them.

If we’re serious about being the Body of Christ, about living lives pleasing to God, we need to love each other. It’s bloomin’ hard, but we need to love each part of our body, our community. Part of this love is accepting people, warts & all, and through loving them, enabling them to become the people God made them to be.

It’s very easy to love the lovely. But a sign of God’s love is loving the unlovely. Who is there in your life that you can pray for more, love more, accept more? Ask God to give you the capacity to love more, to be more gentle & patient, to have insight into other people’s circumstances. Maybe there’s someone here this weekend. Take the opportunity to have a chat while you’re here, clear the air, & try to grow a bit closer together.

Inner Circles…

Group of close friends, who although they have learning difficulties know what it means to be in community with each other. Sam, played by Sean Penn, has asked his friends along to help him buy his daughter Lucy some new shoes.

 A body has certain parts that work together in unison with just a few others. For example, your fingers & thumb on a hand work together for a better result, and don’t particularly work that closely with, say, your stomach. Within a community, it’s ok to have a closer circle of people that you click with, that are your close circle of friends.

Jesus chose 12 disciples to share his journey with, but out of those 12, Peter, James & John were his closest friends. It’s interesting that the first disciples Jesus called were the brothers Peter & Andrew, & the brothers James & John. Three out of those first four were to become Jesus’ inner circle of friends. Our oldest friends will often be our closest. The gospels tell us of a couple of occasions when Jesus took only these 3 with him – once was when he raised Jairus’ daughter from the dead, and the other time was when Jesus was transfigured on the mountain. Now I haven’t got time to unpack why only these select few were allowed to witness certain events, but it does show that even Jesus, who was perfect, had an inner circle of friends within his larger circle of friends.

So what does that mean for us? Well, I think it means that not only is it ok to have a close circle of maybe 3 or 4 best mates, but that it’s often good for us. There are some things that are more enjoyable with your best mates than with people you don’t know so well.

I know that on this weekend, there are a number of different small groups of you who would say you’ve got a particularly close friendship. Brilliant. More often than not these inner circles will be split into a bunch of lads & group of girls. You’ll have your own stories you chat about, your own in-jokes that you have, your own places you’ll hang out together. I’m the same – I’ve got 4 other close mates that I went to Uni with over 10 years ago, & we still hook up with every few months & have a great time.

If you’re someone who’s in a close inner circle of friends, you’re fortunate to have such good friends around. But you’re also part of a wider community or body, & with that enjoyment comes a certain amount of responsibility. Even though a hand might not have a great deal in common with a stomach, without it, the hand wouldn’t have the energy to work to it’s full potential. In the same way, it’d be pretty hard for the stomach to work without the hand getting the food in the first place.

Let’s be aware of how our own little private jokes & special friendship’s can sometimes lead to other people getting suspicious or jealous. If you’re having a private joke in a smaller group, it’s probably dead funny & harmless. But to those outside of your private joke, they won’t know what you’re laughing at, and if they’re anything like me, they’ll probably think you’re laughing at them.

There’s a danger these groups can get quite cliquey & closed. As part of the Body of Christ & a community here, try & avoid being too inward looking & instead look to use the security of your circle of friends to reach out to those who maybe aren’t as fortunate with friendships as you are.

Jesus’ disciples were often arguing amongst themselves as to who was best, and Jesus had a bit of a go at James & John one time when they got a bit big-headed about being in his inner circle. Even though close friendship circles are great, we need to remember that we’re part of a larger group.

Maybe you need to do some bridge building this weekend with someone. Maybe they’ve got upset at not being included in your inner circle of friends or feel you’ve been taking the mick. Have a chat. Say sorry if you need to. Try & be more sensitive in the future. Jesus prayed for his friends whether they were in his inner circle or not – pray for all your friends, for all the people you know, whether they’re your best mates or simply someone you say hello to.

Now if you’re aware of these inner circles of friends existing within YF or your class or your wider circle of friends, even if you find them hard, it’s good to be happy for them, to be happy for the lads or the girls that have found people they feel so at home with. Close friendship is a gift from God.

If you don’t feel you’ve particularly got a close circle of friends either in YF or school or in other things you do, then you’re not unusual. However, it can be very hard not having a particular bunch of mates to do everything with. If you’re craving a close mate or three to hang around with, the best thing you can do is pray for them to come along. You might be the answer to your own prayer in that you may have to start up a conversation with someone who you think seems cool & you’d like to be your friend. But God knows exactly who we need as friends. Leave it in God’s hands & when you’re ready he’ll provide for you.

Which brings us on to special, intimate community between two people…

I’m totally aware of what it’s like to be in a youth group, to be away on weekends like this. When I was a teenager, I was randy young man. Every situation I found myself, I had to pick who I thought was the best looking girl & have a crack. I’ve made a fool of myself so many times, chasing a girl that was out of my league.

You know the score. You’re always staring at them so they think you’re a stalker. You’ll try & be dead subtle about sitting on their table at dinner or miraculously ending up sitting next to them in the minibus. When you sit next to them, you may even touch your thigh against theirs. I’ve been there so many times. That’s the chase part. And it’s fun. It’s normal. But I also know that I’ve wasted the chance to get to know so many people, to learn so much in talks or church or at weekends like this because I’ve spent all my time chasing a particular girl. Out of all of my prayers as a teenager, I reckon over half were about girls:

‘Oh God, please let me go out with her. Force her to fancy me. Give me something funny to say when she walks past. Pray that I won’t get spots. If you set us up I’ll never sin again.’

By all means chase a girl, chase a boy. See if you get any signals. But don’t let it ruin your chances of making lasting friendships within this group. Invest time in your friends without constantly looking around for that certain someone. You are part of the Body of Christ. You have so much to offer other people. Don’t deny other people the opportunity to enjoy who you are because you’re so focussed on getting a snog from… whoever. And the same applies if you’re going out with someone. You don’t always have to sit with them. Make new friends. Share the love around. And hold it down physically in public. I’m very happy that the two of you love the taste of each others spit, but there’s a time & a place. As a part of a wider community, we need to be sensitive to others around us.

In the same way that God made us to live in community with each other, he has also created us with the capacity & often the desire to have a closeness, a relationship with a particular person. Boyfriends & girlfriends can be wonderful things. I’ve been out with both Christian & non-Christian girls, so I’d be a hypocrite to say only go out with Christians. But I will say that if you’re a Christian, your life & your faith will be so much simpler if you do go out with someone who shares your beliefs.

It’s not about people who aren’t Christians not being good enough or anything like that. I know dozens of lovely, loving non-Christians. But if you’re serious about God, about following him & putting his ways first in your life, it’s probably not fair to go out with someone who doesn’t share or understand your faith. I go out with Gemma, & she’s a Christian, but I know & she knows that for each of us, God comes first. We’re in love with each other, but we love God more. Because we’re both Christians, we understand about our need to work hard for God, to give some of our money away, to follow what the Bible teaches on sex, the need for us to pray together.

If Gemma wasn’t a Christian, I can imagine I could still be in love with her, but sooner or later there’d come a tension, a choice, where I’d have to choose either her way or God’s way. The longer you go out with a non-Christian, the more these tensions will arise. For example, if Lee had married a non-Christian wife instead of Becky, can you imagine how he’d explain to her how God is probably calling them to leave everything they know & move to China to work for him?

Now you’re probably thinking ‘But I’m only young. I don’t wanna marry a non-Christian. Just go out with a few before Christian Mr Right comes along’. Maybe you’re right. I don’t know. But I think that the choices you make now about the kind of people you do & don’t go out with will probably affect your faith in the future. From my experience of my friends, I reckon 90% of Christians I’ve known who have gone out with non-Christians have drifted away from God. Whereas those who, difficult as it was, only went out with Christians, they’re now in relationships that have helped them walk even more closely with God than when they started.

And as part of a wider community, as part of the Body of Christ, you have a vital role to play. Even if you feel like a toenail, your role is vital. Your body knows when you’re missing a toenail. If you choose to only go out with Christians now, you’re saying you trust God to provide for you long term & you want to play your part in his community. If you go out with non-Christians, it’s a lot more hazy.

Now I know some of you are going out with non-Christians. I’m not having a go & I’m not saying you shouldn’t be. That’s your choice. You know what you’re doing better than me. But if you’re serious about living a life for God, it’s something I think you need to have a serious think about.

Now I know talking about relationships with this size group is tricky. We’re all gonna be in different places:

·         Whether you’re going out with someone or not

·         Whether you’re having sex every weekend or whether you’re going out with someone & you’re desperately trying to hold it down physically with your boyfriend or girlfriend

·         Whether you’ve downloaded dozens of pictures from the internet & you spend every night alone in your bedroom

·         Whether you’ve just split up with someone & you’re gutted

·         Whether you’re not in a relationship & it makes you really sad

·         Whether you’re single & you’re happy

No matter which of those situations you’re in, Jesus understands. He was fully human, which means – guess what? He had a sex drive. He was fully human & was tempted in every way. In every way. But he didn’t give in, he didn’t sin. He wasn’t married & never had sex, but you can guarantee he was tempted. I’m not gonna stand here & list everything that’s right & wrong, that you can & can’t do in relationships. You probably know that already. If you don’t know, then come & see me or Rob or any of the leaders, & we’ll gladly show you what the Bible says about sex & relationships. But for now, in our thinking about community, and in our thinking about whether or not we’re in a relationship of two people intimately – God knows exactly how you feel & loves it when we talk to him about both our desires & worries.