Cloverley – Talk 3 Saturday Morning – Get out!
‘For the Birds’ clip
On Monsters Inc Disc 2
– Whole of short film
We talked this morning about how good it can be to be part of a group of friends who are looking to be welcoming & accepting & encouraging. YF & our friendship groups, although not perfect, are a whole better than that group of birds were to the new arrival.
But there’s a whole other side to being a Christian Community, to being the Body of Christ. Cloverley is great, and it’s weekends like this that help us feel even more united & happy to be part of something. But Cloverley’s not real, everyday life.
Real life for us is being at school, being at college, being at Uni, being at work. It’s about being down the pub or at McDonalds or shopping. It’s about being at parties, going on holiday, going to clubs, going to the cinema, going round mate’s houses. It’s about playing football or PS2, homework & trying not to argue with your parents too much. It’s about flirting & looking good for particular lads or girls.
This is a picture of a whole host of different personalities. There are more human characteristics than there chemical elements but I think this is pretty cool. Being a part of the Body of Christ is about being Jesus' representative with whoever you’re hanging around with. Being part of the Body of Christ is as much about Friday nights at YF as it is about Saturday nights when you’re at a party or staying at a mate’s. You’re as much a Christian, or if you like, God is the same God whether you’re at school or whether you’re in church. And it’s this that we’re gonna be looking at now. Not only are we part of a community with each other, but we’re also part of wider communities throughout the rest of our week. It’s a pretty diverse world that we live in. Everyone is different. And yet for Christians, as we discovered earlier, we are one body. How does being part of the Body of Christ affect us 24/7, wherever we are & whoever we’re with?
We’re gonna have a look at a number of different issues that we face today & see what the Bible & Christianity has to say about them. Now within Christian circles, how our behaviour comes across to others is often called our ‘witness’. In the same way that a witness will be questioned on The Bill to find out what they know, so if you’re Christian, other people will look to you to show what it means to follow Jesus.
Your witness can be words, what you say, but you’ll have heard the phrase ‘actions speak louder than words’. What we do & how we behave is often more important than us just saying ‘Yeah, I believe in God’ or ‘Yeah, I’m going away on a Christian weekend’. Important as it is to speak, it’s often more important that our actions are consistent with what we believe.
Now you have a choice. Even if you’re a Christian, no one is forcing you to act in a certain way or believe that your behaviour has an impact on other people. You’re free to do whatever you like.
But there are two reasons why I think it’s important to try & live a life that pleases God.
1. It’s good to live a life that pleases God. God is good & he loves us. If we love God, or even just think he’s alright, we’re gonna want to show him that we love him, or we like him. By doing the things that he asks us to do, we show him we’re keen to have a relationship with him, & our friendship with him can grow. Friendship with anyone is about actions as well as just words.
2. If we think it’s good that we can have a relationship with God, we’ll probably want other people to experience what we have. Even if you’re not a Christian, you’ll probably want some of your friends to come along to YF on a Friday, because it’s a good bunch of people to get to know. If people are our friends, we want the best for them. And one of the best things in life is a relationship with God. How we advertise that relationship, how we are witnesses to what it means to have God in our lives is important. If you want your friends to get to know God, it’s up to you to introduce them to him. And you can introduce them to him by showing them what it means to have God in your life.
Ok, enough heavy stuff. Let’s be practical…
Let’s start with a gentle one. Conversation.
The things we talk about. There’s nothing better than to have a good gossip about someone. I’m a sucker for it. If there’s been a party, I wanna know who’s snogged who. If there’s been an argument, I wanna know who said what. It’s fun to find out & talk about other people.
I’ve been gossiped about in the past & it’s really hurtful. When I lived in London I had my own flat. Cos it was the big city & good to go out, I used to have a few friends staying over, both boys & girls. And the woman who lived beneath me said I had all these girls over to stay every weekend, saying I was getting up to all sorts. Not true. They were mates. Trouble was she went to my church & I knew the kind of things that were being said. Wasn’t good.
The Bible is aware of how our conversation can get us into trouble.
‘The tongue is a small part of the body but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body’ James 3:5-6
Things get distorted & blown out of proportion. If we’re Christians, of course we’re gonna talk about other people. If someone gets off with someone at a party, of course we’re gonna be interested. But let’s be extremely careful about how often & how much we talk about stuff. It only takes one out of place comment for a rumour to spread like wildfire.
Practically –
· Don’t exaggerate. Don’t lie. It might make your story sound better but long term you’ll probably end up damaging friendships. If truth gets out, people won’t trust you.
· Don’t ask too many questions. If someone tells you something, you’re probably gonna listen. Ok. But don’t encourage it. Help the other person not to have to make stuff up or exaggerate just to keep their story entertaining.
· Sometimes say ‘I don’t wanna know’. ‘Did you hear what Bob did at the party on Saturday?’ ‘No, not fussed. He’s my mate; I don’t want to talk behind his back. He’ll tell me if he wants to.’
Also within our conversation, it’s good to be gentle, encouraging, positive. I’ve spoken before in an epilogue about how I find it easy to cuss people. It’s not good & I pray that God gives me the strength to avoid it. Just take a second before speaking to ask yourself if what your gonna say is helpful.
‘Be gracious in your speech. The goal is to bring out the best in others in a conversation, not put them down, not cut them out’ Colossians 4:6
And people will notice. You’ll find that you’ll get a reputation for being good company, for being honest & trustworthy. Your friendships will deepen. People will like you. Who do you actually like best, deep down? The guy with the funny stories who often puts people down, or the guy who’s interested in how you’re doing & encourages you? If we’re living for God, asking for his help, his light & his ways will come through. And people will say, Yeah, there’s something different about them.
And swearing. I change my mind about swearing & how important it is. It’s not life or death. If you say the F word, you’re not a bad person. But two things are helpful…
1. I’ve had periods in my life when I’ve sworn like a character in South Park. Even 3 or 4 years ago I’d still F & B. But God challenged me on it in regard to my witnessing. For me, I think there are more important things than swearing. But if I’m talking to a non-Christian mate about God & I stick in a few F’s & C’s, it might be something that for him devalues what I’m saying. It’s probably not showing enough respect to God in his eyes if use the F word in the same sentence as Jesus. So me not swearing is as much for other people as it is for me.
2. And also, if we’re talking about controlling our tongue, using the F word every other sentence is just a bit rubbish. Let’s be on our guard about odd words just slipping out without a lot of thought. In a similar thing to not cussing people & not gossiping, let’s allow God to help us think before we speak. By cutting out the swearing, I think it helps us control our speech more. Paul says in Ephesians (5:4) that there shouldn’t ‘be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving.’ I’m not gonna start disagreeing with Paul…
Ok, so that’s our conversation.
Next up, drinking. Now I like a drink. It’s good fun & tastes nice. It’s social & relaxing. Jesus probably liked a drink. The wine in Jesus day was probably a lot weaker than ours is today, but what was Jesus first miracle? Turning water into wine. He wasn’t against drinking.
Now having said that, the age thing comes into it. I’m not being patronising but most of you are too young to legally buy drink or drink it without your parent’s supervision. I’m not saying it’s right to drink under 18, but obviously it goes on. I can either say don’t drink at all, or knowing that it goes on with you & your friends, we can be practical.
So let’s be practical. Don’t get drunk. The Bible says this in numerous places.
One of my favourites is in Proverbs Chapter 23. Solomon who wrote this must have known a thing or two about hangovers:
Who has woe? Who has sorrow? Who has strife? Who has complaints? Who has needless bruises? Who has bloodshot eyes? Those who linger over wine, who go to sample bowls of mixed wine. Do not gaze at wine when it is red, when it sparkles in the cup, when it goes down smoothly! In the end it bites like a snake and poisons like a viper. Your eyes will see strange sights and your mind imagine confusing things. You will be like one sleeping on the high seas, lying on top of the rigging. “They hit me,” you say, “but I’m not hurt! They beat me up, but I don’t feel it! When will I wake up so I can find another drink?”
Don’t get drunk. Easier said than done. Again I’d be a hypocrite if I tell you not to get drunk without admitting that I’ve been drunk a fair few times over the years. Am I proud of it? Probably not. It’s something I find difficult.
Whether now or in the coming years, you’re probably all gonna be in a position where it’d be easy to get drunk. Why isn’t it a good idea?
Well, your judgement goes. You’ll have heard the expression ‘beer goggles’ to describe the condition where a girl or boy appears to be a lot better looking after a few beers than when you’re sober. Drink affects our ability to make good judgements. The Bible tells us that as Christians we should ‘Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have’. If I’m off my face, how can I be ready to have a conversation with someone about God? Ironically it’s only after a few drinks that a lot of conversations about God take place. It’s up to us as Christians to be sober enough to have good conversations.
It affects my behaviour too. I can be rude & loud & say things I regret. Going back to our conversation, being drunk affects my ability to speak the way God would want me to.
Now I’m so totally not saying it’s good to drink. If you can avoid it, brilliant. I’ve got mates who are teetotal & they’re top company. You don’t need drink to have a good time or be fun to be with. But for those of you who do drink, how do you avoid getting drunk?
Now some of you will know this stuff backwards, but practically it means drinking lagers like Fosters & Carling rather than Stella or Kronenbourg. Less alcohol per drink. Look at the ABV & go for a lighter one. Don’t drink spirits or shots. Go easy on the wine, it’s hard to tell how much you’ve drunk until you stand up. Breezers & Smirnoff Ice’s – don’t always drink them. Go for soft drinks in between. If you’re bothered about what your mates will say, lemonade & lime looks the same as a vodka, lime & lemonade & they probably won’t ask you anyway.
Drink slowly. If mates give you a hard time, just say you’re pacing self. Better still say you don’t want to get drunk & explain why. If you stand up for your beliefs & stick by your reasons, you’ll get respect. You might get the micky taken on the night, but the next day I can almost guarantee people will respect the fact you’ve had the will power to say no.
And ultimately it’s about our witness. It’s about demonstrating our relationship with God. If we drink a lot or get drunk, it says we need an escape from life, we want to lose some control & forget about things. Same goes for smoking or drugs. It says to others that we need more than God has provided for us naturally. Using stimulants & depressives means we’re not confident in our ability to join in & be accepted without them. I know it’s hard, I’m a lot more confident after a couple of pints. But we need to be constantly reminded that God loves us, accepts us & we’re a vital part to his Body. Pray that God would give you the inner confidence in his love for you that you won’t need to look elsewhere for affirmation or acceptance. You’ll be amazed how much of a witness & how attractive the peace & confidence of God is to non-Christians.
Next up, pulling.
We’re gonna look at pulling, copping Off. Snogging. Tonsil tennis. Spit swapping. Tongue sandwich. Or as my Dad calls it, kissing & cuddling.
Now I don’t know what you get up to. I’m not asking. But I do know that how we relate to members of the opposite sex is important when we’re thinking about how we as Christians advertise what it means to have a relationship with God.
I’ll let you into some secrets. I was 16 when I had my first proper kiss. Some of you will think that’s a late start, whereas some of you won’t have had a good kiss yet. That’s cool, everyone’s different. My first kiss was with a girl called Kerry who I fancied something rotten. Trouble was it was the most awful kiss. I didn’t really know what I was doing, I was rubbish. And you know what? She laughed. 4 or 5 seconds into the snog she was like ‘Haaaa’. Disaster.
A fair few kisses later & I’d like to think I’ve learnt my trade now, but you’ll have to ask Gemma that one. But how we as boys view girls & how you as girls view boys can be an important part of our witness as Christians. When I was younger & with more hair, I’d go out with a group of mates – if you pulled, if you got a snog it was a successful night, if you didn’t, it wasn’t. You’d drink more to get the courage to approach a girl, though 9 times out of 10 you’d crash & burn.
But during my time at University, when pretty much everyone’s on the lookout, I deliberately wasn’t. I’m not saying having a random snog is wrong, cos sometimes it’s nice, but as Christians we need to examine our motives. I’d say it is wrong to go after a snog if your main reason is to look good to your mates, make someone else jealous, get a feeling of power over the girl or boy you kiss. It doesn’t say much for our security as a precious member of the Body of Christ. And the way we can mistreat someone else, by picking them up & dropping them, isn’t a particularly good witness to our mates about the love God has for all of his creation.
Over the years I’ve found my attitude to women & my conduct with them has often been the thing that makes or breaks my witness. I’ve been a stinker to some girls, & friends have noticed. What has that said to them about my faith? Whereas when I’ve been considerate & humble, it’s been a good opportunity for conversations with people about why I’m the way I am.
Now about sex – I don’t know if you’ve done it or not. That’s not my business. But God is interested. He tells us in the Bible that the best & ideally only place for sex is in marriage, is in a lifelong commitment with someone you love. If you’ve had sex already, God knows. He understands why you did it, why you do it. He made you. We know from earlier Jesus had a sex drive, he understands the passions & desires we have.
I don’t think it’s God’s plan for you, me or any of us to have sex outside of marriage.
But if you have, it’s not a disaster. God loves you & wants you to be his friend. He cares what we do & don’t do, but he loves regardless. Rob always says this & it’s true: there’s nothing we can do to make God love us more, & there’s nothing we can do to make God love us less.
The reason I bring it up now is that I think our attitude to sex & relationships forms an integral part of our ability to witness. If we can hold out until marriage, if we’re not snogging people left, right & centre, then it says to everyone else – we trust God. We trust him to provide for us what we need when we need it. It’s frustrating & it’s a hard, but God wants to give us the ability to trust him.
If we can trust God to provide for us, it’s good for our personal relationship with him. And it’s good for our ability to be a good example to others. In many ways, it doesn’t matter what you’ve done up ‘til now. If we decide to turn around from what we know God doesn’t like, then that is as much a witness to our friends than having never done it in the first place. Often it’s harder to stop doing something wrong that we enjoy than if we never started. Your friends know that. If you are or have slept with someone, I’d challenge you to pray about it. Pray that he gives you the strength to do what is right. Pray for his forgiveness. If you don’t think it’s wrong, pray that he would show you why he’s got other plans for you. God can use you in a mighty way if you let him.
And if you haven’t had sex yet, good on you. It is possible to wait until marriage. I have. If I can wait & I’m still waiting, anyone can. Keep praying about it. Talk to your friends about how you’re waiting until you hopefully get married. That’s a powerful witness too.
There’s dozen’s of other ways in which our lives & our lifestyle can be a witness to others regarding the principles by which we live by, which we’ll look at in groups now…